Last week, a woman called me and said, ‘Dear Funmi, will I be asking for too much from my husband if I ask for more sex than he is giving me right now? I think I am not getting enough, and I need to know what to do to get him to completely satisfy me. Please teach me practical ways to go about it. Thanks for the great job your column is doing to bring happiness to married couples.
After the call, I pondered over it and it occurred to me that when the purpose of doing something is not known, abuse is inevitable. So, why sex and what is the primary aim of having good sex? So today, let’s look at why a wife or husband would crave for sex that is more than enough in marriage.
Sex must be given freely as a gift, not forced or used as a reward or punishment.
It is also essential to respect your partner’s style of getting aroused.
While men are often aroused and then want sex, women often need a sense of emotional intimacy before feeling aroused and ultimately pursuing sexual intimacy.
Each partner is responsible for seeking to create sexual satisfaction for the other through good communications. It is important to talk about what turns you on and what turns you off. Share desires and fantasies, as well as sexual hang-ups.
There is no crime in modesty or boldness. What’s important is to be comfortable with how you connect sexually and the frequency you both want. It’s important that you connect in a way that leaves you both sexually satisfied.
Please be aware that if your desire is weak, acknowledge the challenge. By doing this, you are taking the right step towards improving your relationship.
Many husbands put their wives in a difficult situation when they want them to have orgasms; hence these women live a life of faking orgasm.
Many husbands wonder why wives fake orgasm: it is very simple; ejaculation is easy for men while reaching an orgasm isn’t that easy for women!
It probably starts when a woman isn’t really feeling the passion in bed or isn’t really turned on while having sex. And she looks up at her man who is probably sweating, panting and exerting virile strength while penetrating her to make her have an orgasm.
Husband, please know that it is not only heavy, deep and fast thrusts in and out that make women to have orgasms. Rather, let your manhood, fingers and tongue do the job and they need to be coordinated.
And when a woman knows she’s just not going to climax anyway, it’s easier for her to just fake it instead of waiting for the elusive passion to overwhelm her! Faking it and convincing her man that she’s just experienced a tremor in her loins would at least make her man feel proud. This is absolutely wrong and does backfire.
Faking an orgasm often is never good, not for the husband, and definitely not for the wife! Husbands should know that many wives fake orgasm out of pity and to maintain a pretence. Yes, pity, because you’re not arousing her enough to bring her to climax, and she’s is pretending you are doing it right so as to help save your ego while she probably has given up on reaching an orgasm. Many wives do this because they care about you and do not want to hurt your feelings so they find it easier to fake it.
They know you’re trying hard and are feeling bad about it, but for some reason, they are just not able to reach an orgasm. And they do not want to hurt your feelings or shatter your confidence, so they lie to you just to see you smile proudly.
Another reason is that she’s not in the mood and only having sex with you because you want it.
Or it could be that the woman is just preoccupied with something else. There’s something on her mind, and she’s too distracted to enjoy sex. She may make love to you, but her preoccupied mind may just distract her from having a real orgasm. And that is why I always encourage husbands to make sure that they do not rush in and out of sex. There is a need to help their wives deal with some negative and worthless things preoccupying their minds.
This next point is a bit sensitive and I’m sorry to point it out, but sometimes some husbands are just naturally boring! When a wife notices that her husband is only waiting for her for “please, just give me sex syndrome,” she can just give in to help relieve your built-in sexual tension. When you’re almost about to ejaculate, and she can feel it, hold your breath like you’re trying hard to prevent a case of premature ejaculation, before continuing again.
It could be that you initiate sex when she has things to do which you are insensitive to. Perhaps, she wants to sleep, watch her favourite show, attend to the baby or go out. What’s the fastest way to wrap sex up? Yeah, fake orgasm.
Or sometimes when it is a special day, such as your wedding anniversary or a birthday, if she doesn’t feel great, she might just pretend to be completely turned on and aroused, just to make sex more memorable for you.
Husband, I want you to bear in mind that when your wife is not comfortable with a particular position, she may fake orgasm. Maybe you’ve read about a new position that you want to try or you’re suddenly feeling very horny while watching the television and you put her on a hard surface, contort her body and penetrate her. She may try to enjoy it, but if it’s too uncomfortable to experience any pleasure out of it, she may just want to end it with a fake orgasm.
There are some wives out there that have never had an orgasm. There are many women out there who still don’t know what an orgasm is. They’ve had sex, and they’ve programmed their minds to squeeze their pelvis before their husband ejaculates. They just don’t know what it feels like to have an orgasm, and they don’t really care about fixing it because they’re too used to it.
When a wife is angry and doesn’t want to confront the issue or talk about it, if you are persuading her to have sex with you, she may find it easier to do it and fake orgasm instead of having a quarrel with you.
When a wife has been under a lot of stress, she may just be too tired to enjoy sex. And if she doesn’t want to upset you or make you feel bad about your performance, she may just fake orgasm.
Questions and Answers
Is erection the same thing as ‘pathway of sex’?
Hi, Funmi, what is erection and how does it happen? A friend told me that the meaning of erection is ‘pathway of sex.’ Is this true?
Michael Olé Smith
No, erection is not the same thing as ‘pathway of sex: They are two different things, although they are involved in the same process and activity.
Pathway of sex is just what happens before, during and after sex, which are as follows: there is an arousal, there is an erection, there is penetration leading to ejaculation, there is an orgasm, and there is a relaxing period ending the ejaculation or leading to the second round of sex.
But an erection is the readiness of an erect penis for sex. In the shaft of the penis, there are two side-by-side chambers of spongy tissue called the corpora cavernosa. They’re mainly responsible for erections. Just below them is another chamber called the corpus spongiosum. The urethra, which carries semen and urine, runs through its centre.
The corpora cavernosa is made of small arteries and veins, smooth muscle fibre, and empty spaces. The chambers are wrapped in a sheath of thin tissue. When you have an erection, signals from the brain or nerve endings in the penis cause the smooth muscle of the chambers to relax and arteries to dilate, or open wider. This allows a rush of blood to fill the empty spaces. The pressure of blood flow causes the sheath of tissue around the chambers to press on veins that normally drain blood out of the penis. That traps blood in the penis. As more blood flows in, the penis expands and stiffens, and you have an erection.
When the excitement ends, the smooth muscle contracts again, taking pressure off the veins and allowing blood to flow back out of the penis. Then the penis returns to a flaccid state.
I got married to a widow recently and according to him, he and his late wife climaxed simultaneously every time they had sex. He wanted the same thing with us but I have never been able to climax that way. Though he does not refer to it, I can read disappointment on his face.
It is possible that his ex-wife well-timed orgasms were genuine; the fact that anything is possible does not make it any less unlikely. Tell him you are not his late ex-wife, and that you have you own unique way of making him experience a good sex. Let him know that the earlier he stops comparing you to his late wife, the better for the union.
Seeing blood in my stool after sex
I am 48 years old and for some time now, I have been passing out blood along with faeces, especially immediately after sex. I do not practise anal sex and have not had it before, but this has become a normal occurrence. Is it associated with getting old and what do I do?
Mr. Willy Amicus
This may likely be piles, otherwise called hemorrhoids which are swollen anal veins. This usually affects people between the ages of 45 and 65 and its symptoms (which can include pain, itching, swelling, and bleeding during bowel movements), usually go away within a few days; but when it presents itself with bleeding or severe pain, especially while having sex, you should see a doctor to rule out more serious conditions. Constant constipation and diarrhoea may lead to pile and it could be hereditary. Sometimes age, straining during bowel movements, and overuse of laxatives and heavy lifting, or any activity that causes you to strain or increase pressure on the veins of your rectum or anus, can cause hemorrhoids.
Simple diet and lifestyle changes can reduce your chances of having piles and also reduce the strain and pressure on your rectum when passing stool. Proper hydration and regular exercise can also improve digestion and reduce rectal straining. When you feel the need to use the bathroom, don’t wait too long to do so.
Can I ever get any woman pregnant?
Can I ever get any woman pregnant? I have a small penis that ejaculates prematurely. I must confess to you that I am so dejected. Can a man ejaculate and pee at the same time? My friends say that is the reason why I have not been able to get my wife pregnant?
Mr. Morris Gabriel
Yes, you can get a woman pregnant even if your penis is small and you ejaculate prematurely. Some sperm cells can mix with the new sperm in your urethra from a previous ejaculation if you go for the second or the third round of sex. However, you do not need to suffer in silence. You can use medication for premature ejaculation, weak erection and erectile dysfunction with the newly discovered herbs for small penis.
Do exercise, weight and age affect fertility?
I am into sport and I love what I do. Although I’m married, I’m having difficulty conceiving. I have had two miscarriages already. My husband thinks that the physical activities I engage and my insufficient weight are responsible for the problem. He wants me to stop what I love to do. My question is this: do exercise, weight and age affect fertility? My husband and I have a very good sex life.
Actually, moderate exercise is good for everyone and exercise should be encouraged for both women and men who want to conceive. However, excessive, strenuous exercise in women may result in disruption of the ovulation cycle, thereby affecting her periods. Normal exercise has not been linked to miscarriages (loss of pregnancy), but certain forms of exercise (for example, high-impact) should be avoided during pregnancy. Even in men, too much exercise may cause low sperm count. A woman’s peak fertility is in her early 20s. At age 35 and beyond (and particularly after 40), the likelihood of becoming pregnant reduces. Even as men age, levels of testosterone fall, and the volume and concentration of sperm changes. A healthy diet is very important for women who are trying to have a baby. Weight loss can disrupt a woman’s menstrual cycle and thereby reduce her chances of becoming pregnant. When trying to add some weight, be mindful that being overweight can affect a woman’s fertility and can cause complications during pregnancy.
Why are my eyes puffy?
I recently developed puffiness under my eyes and I think the fluid increases each time I have sex. My friends think it is as a result of excessive salt intake.
Mrs. Igiedege Christy
A lot of things can cause puffiness of the eye but definitely not sex. Sometimes, excessive intake of alcohol may be responsible or not getting enough sleep and general body stress. But it is nothing to worry about. As a matter of fact, over-the-counter hemorrhoids medication can help to get rid of puffiness or bags under your eyes. Over-the-counter hemorrhoids medication may help deflate the puffiness, helping to tighten and smooth the skin. Also, green tea bags contain a natural anti-inflammatory chemical, which can reduce fluid build-up that contributes to puffiness.
How long does intercourse typically last for most couples? Also, how many calories can a couple burn during sex?
Mr. Nikole from Lekki
Hi, sexual intercourse lasts between three to 13 minutes, according to study. About 300 calories are lost per hour during sex.
SOURCE: PUNCH NEWSPAPER
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